Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A Case Study

I'll admit it: I actually kind of miss school. No, not just Denison and my friends but school school. Like reading and researching things (maybe not the "Holy &%$@ I have a 25 page paper due in 17 hours and I have nine pages written" things... not that that ever happened to me, Dad). In order to fill the void of my post-college schoolwork-less lifestyle I started a research project:

How Babies Are Like Dogs;
A Case Study
(The following is not actually how I wrote papers, meant to be a joke--despite most of it being true--and a homage to the one week anniversary of my dog's death.)

Having owned two dogs and pet countless others I consider myself somewhat learned on dog behaviors. Most of the following observations come from living with male Labrador retrievers for most of my life (Names: Buddy & Buddy Junior[BJ]--very creative with the names, I know Age: Oldish & Puppy-12.5. Proximity: A wardrobe of clothes with yellow dog hair should speak for itself). Having seen many babies on television, trains, in the street, and now taken care of one in particular for a few months I consider myself a novice baby owner. My proximity to a baby for this case study (Name: TB, Aged: 4-10 months, Proximity: Very close as I was usually holding her) allowed me to gain further knowledge on the subject.

Observations on the similarities between Babies & Dogs:
-It is socially acceptable and even encouraged for both to nap.
-Both will eat things off the floor, regardless of whether or not it is edible.
-Both enjoy being out of doors.
-Both can and will play with the same toy day in and out and never master it (take BJ's rubber thingy filled with peanut butter that is probably rotting in our backyard somewhere).
-When you leave both for an extended period of time (dog: more than a few hours baby: more than a few seconds) you need to find some one to take care of them, and pay them.
-Cannot leave either in a car on a hot July day, alone with the windows rolled up.
-No one wants to eat their food (except for Caitlin and her propensity towards baby food, but that's just weird).
-Both are acutely aware of when you are wearing nice clothes and will subsequently spit up on them and/or rub up against them thus dirtying your outfit. (Also noted, when in gym clothes neither will happen.)
-Both like to play "catch." Dogs with a ball or stick, babies with their babysitter and the food globules that they let out of their mouths during mealtimes. (Babysitter must attempt to "catch" said food before it gets all over said baby.)
-Both need to be toilet trained/house broken.
-Both have a tendency to eat furniture, especially wooden furniture. (True: Came in to check on TB during her nap this morning and she was gnawing on her wooden crib.)
-Attached when you leave the house and excited when you return (well not exactly BJ to me but to my mom, I used to say, "Mom's home!" and he would run to the backdoor to find her. That was a good trick! And TB isn't really attached either, but she does flail her legs out when I come in during the mornings. The only other time she flails her legs is when food is coming towards her.)
-One can't help but use a ridiculously obnoxious voice when speaking to a dog or baby.
-Both are always excited and willing to eat.
-Both become increasingly annoying when not fed.
-People do not appreciate a dog barking or a baby crying.
-People put up annoying Facebook photo albums of only their dog and/or baby. (Seriously, 97 pictures of your new dog? Even I have better things to do with my time.)
-A Burberry sweater looks stupid on both of them.

Please feel free to add more content, I'm still researching the topic, but I thought I'd give you my preliminary findings.

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