Friday, January 15, 2010

Too Hot to Handle

So I've stopped cutting but I have started burning. No I'm not so horribly upset about anything that I cut myself, it's just that I am a terrible chef (with terrible aim apparently). Remember when I cut myself two or three times in one week? Well I'm more careful with knives now but apparently less careful with scalding hot metal things.

The Mother has been asking me too cook (more on that later) lately and when I was poking something in the oven it decided to poke me back. Ouch! Later that day it wasn't the kitchen that got me, but the iron. Probably payback for when I accidentally dropped it on the floor and broke it... So now I've got two unsightly burns, one on each hand, but I definitely think burns hurt less in the long run than knife wounds. But I'm really not trying to make either a habit!

So back to the cooking. The Mother last week asked me to cook chicken. No problem right? Yeah, no problem for those who have cooked a chicken breast before. I know, I know 23 and never cooked a chicken breast but seriously that's what Denison gets when it makes me live in a dorm all four years, it's really not my fault! (Plus when we did cook I was usually in charge of getting the alcohol, my friends clearly know my strong suit.) Whenever I have cooked meat I like in constant fear that it will be undercooked and I will poison the kids so what usually ends up happening is I cut it into smaller and smaller pieces to make sure it gets cooked all the way through, so at the end I have cooked meat, just really gross looking meat. That same night The Mother threw on the last piece of chicken and just left it there for ten minutes! She then asked if I could just turn it off and leave it. How can she be so confident in her cooking when salmonella is on the line? Better her to poison people than me!

Last night The Mother was running late to some sort of meeting so when she came in from grocery shopping she said, "Can you make a chili?" The woman might as well have asked me to ride a pogo-stick across Switzerland. Make chili? Are you nuts? At least I didn't lie (like when she asked me to get a leak from the market. How was I supposed to know what a leak looks like?) and I told her I didn't know how. She walked me through it and I made something that at least looked like chili. My cooking experience was not without accident however. I was putting the brand new salt box into the cupboard when, as I was lifting, it spilled all over. All over the counter, all over the floor and most importantly, all over me.

I'll take a salt shower over bodily harm any day though!

1 comment:

  1. salt's reallly good for you skin. (lie)