Monday, December 7, 2009

A Lesson on Things, I Mean Babies

In my weekly dealings with this baby (and I so often called her that that from now on I'll refer to her as TB--not tuberculosis but "This Baby") I've learned some stuff about them:

  • Babies can have hiccups. Apparently it does not mean they are going to choke, but just digesting.
  • They pretty much poop, eat and sleep (not necessarily in that order).
  • People don't exactly appreciate it when you refer to babies as things or nuggets (which they are).
  • You pretty much don't have to entertain them (especially if you are a baby whisperer).
  • They can't talk back.
  • It (I mean a baby) will spit up on you when you look your best but not when you're in gym clothes.
  • Baby spit-up is disgusting.
  • As are dirty diapers.
  • You have to be really prepared when taking babies anywhere. We go on walks every day (so she will sleep and I can read the family's collection of Dave Barry books) and I have to take: a blanket, bottle, formula to make a bottle, hot water in a Thermos for the bottle, Evian (what the heck!) for the cold water part of her bottle, change of clothes, diapers, wipes, outside pad to change diaper, cloth to wipe it's spit-up, toy, actual baby, rain-fly, hat, extra socks/shoes, pacifier, sunlight shield and a hazmat suit (you never know).
  • All this fits on the stroller which is roughly the same size and weight as a Jeep Wrangler. This stroller could comfortably seat a family of four and cart them over the Alps, I have no doubt.
  • I like to be outside so I'm happy to take TB on walks. Her parents insist that she loves to be outside but I wouldn't know because every single day, by the time we get to the end of the driveway, she is asleep.
  • Burping babies isn't optional. I guess their stomachs hurt if you don't burp them and they will be especially vomit-y if you don't.
  • When you wear dark clothes the baby vomit/spit-up/grossness will be white. However, if you are wearing white, it will be orange or green or the color of the vegetable du jour.
  • For every bite of food I put in TB's mouth three bites come out. I think it might be some sort of baby-magic that more food can come out than goes in.
  • New baby smell is a lie. I swear it. I know because this baby is still pretty fresh from the oven and only after a bath does she have that "baby smell". So it's a lie. It's clean baby scent that those creepy people that smell babies like.
  • I think all babies look alike. Of course the bald (future blonde) ones and the beautiful brunette ones and eye color makes them look different but TB has brown eyes and brown hair and looks like just me when I was a nugget. If they have the same coloring all babies look the same.
  • It is near impossible not to use a "baby voice" when dealing with one.

See the brunette baby is having more fun.
And you can tell it apart from those other nuggets.

Image from

Lastly TB's mom was telling me a story today and she asked her son if he had fun with me last week. And he said, "Yeah, Jill is really nice and fun. And TB really loves her." So even though I call it a thing TB really does enjoy my company!

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